when i was younger, my mind would often take over so that my eyes weren't really doing anything, you know? it was all my head, i was living entirely inside of there. and then later, i would open my eyes and see a really dark sky and realize there was no one around me and i was so ordinary and small and i would cry.

i still do this. every day. i want to stop so bad. i want to close my eyes and see the same thing, the same exact thing that i see when tehyre open. or something right in front of me, holding something i can reach out and hold. like diving in the sea while i'm standing on the dock.

please pelase please.